


I Did Not Break Up Ellen Barkin and Gabriel Byrne

by Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Irish Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: 1990s, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Divorce, F/F, Transparent Self-Insert Fic, You Can Hate Me If You Want To
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here/pseuds/Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here
Summary: Crystal swears she didn't break them up; they were already separating when she ran into Ellen at her favorite coffee shop. History has a way of repeated itself, though, and when another man walks into Ellen's life, Crystal seeks an unexpected source of comfort.
Relationships: Ellen Barkin & Gabriel Byrne (mentioned), Ellen Barkin & Original Female Character(s), Ellen Barkin & Ronald Perelman





	I Did Not Break Up Ellen Barkin and Gabriel Byrne

**Author's Note:**

> The sole purpose of this work is entertainment; I am not now nor have I ever made any money from the exhibition of this work. No harm or disrespect is intended toward the real people who are used as fictional characters in this work.

Gabriel took a long drag on his cigarette. “So,” he said as he exhaled, “I guess this lesbian thing is over once and for all.”

I sat with my elbows on the bar, head in my hands. “You don’t have to sound so happy about it.”

“I’m far from happy about it,” he said. His Irish accent is even more pronounced when he’s drinking. But still nothing like the exaggerated accents of the characters he plays in the movies. “She is my wife, after all.”

“She was your wife,” I corrected. “As of today, she’s officially Ron Perelman’s wife.”

I flipped over the program from Ellen’s wedding and stared at the portrait on the cover. Ellen looked gorgeous in her wedding gown, and not only from the makeup, the hair stylist, and the professional lighting. Ellen Barkin looked beautiful when she woke up in the morning with nothing on but that famous crooked smile. She looked beautiful brushing her teeth, beautiful washing the dishes, beautiful clipping her toenails.

Ronald Perelman, on the other hand, wasn’t what people call “conventionally attractive.” He was short, he was bald on top, and had an unruly mess of curling slate-gray hair on the sides. I’m no great judge of male beauty, but even I could see that Ron Perelman was a five, at best, while Gabriel Byrne was at least a seven. 

The bartender brought Gabriel another shot of Jameson. The Irish whiskey was my idea, actually. He downed the shot and said, “You stole her from me first.”

“I keep telling you,” I said, “I was not responsible for breaking up your marriage. You were already separated when I came along, if you’ll remember.” I was a little defensive.

“Well,” Gabriel said, “maybe you and Ellen were breaking up before Ron Perelman came along.” He lit another cigarette.

In the three years Ellen and I had been together, Gabriel and I had developed a kind of symbiotic relationship. Since Ellen and I shared custody of the Barkin-Byrne children with Gabriel, we’d seen quite a lot of each other. Now that Ellen had married Ron, I needed him more than ever. I was neither father nor biological mother. Since Jack and Romy already had two parents, I couldn’t even adopt them. The only way I’d see my kids again was if Gabriel and I worked as a team.

* * * 

I tried not to stare at her, but I knew who she was. 'The Fan' had come out that year, and although critics hated the movie, they loved Ellen Barkin in it. Her character, Jewel, was the only likable character in the film. And here she sat in my coffee spot, at the corner table, opening a bottled iced coffee. I’m always amazed at the way women with false nails do the little things, like twisting the cap off a bottle, without breaking those things. Ellen bent her fingers out of the way and twisted, using only the palm of her hand, with practiced deftness. 

I looked down at my own hands. I hadn’t had a manicure since my sister’s wedding three years before. Even then, I’d insisted on clear nail polish instead of the gaudy purple the other bridesmaids wore. High femme I was not.

After taking a drink, Ellen went to set the bottle down on the edge of the table, next to her newspaper. As she did, she knocked her tote bag onto the floor. Papers spewed forth.

Instinctively, I jumped out of my hard-won place in the middle of the line and reached for the papers. I’m such a sucker for a damsel in distress. I managed to scoop up most of them before they fell out of the tote. 

“Thanks,” she said, flashing me her crooked smile. “I get a little clumsy before I’ve had my first bottle of the morning.” Her Brooklyn accent stood straight out.

“No biggie,” I said coolly. I could tell she was a native, and I bet she already had me pegged as a transplant from the Midwest.

I got back in line. The wait seemed extra long, but eventually I got my lemon poppy seed muffin and green chai latte. As I sat down I felt Ellen’s hand on my shoulder. She invited me to sit at her table.

We had a nice conversation. I hadn’t known that she was married to Gabriel Byrne. In fact, when she told me his name, it didn’t even ring any bells. The kinds of adventure and crime stories that he gets cast in aren’t really my cup of tea.

“We have two kids,” she told me. “Jack, our boy, is eight, and his sister Romy is not quite five. I love them, but I desperately need some time to myself.”

I was surprised at the intimate details of her life that she poured out to me, a stranger in a coffee shop, as if we’d become instant friends. She didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, she said. We exchanged numbers, but I didn’t think she would actually call me.

But she did. We had lunch two Saturdays after we met. We sat in a very private booth in a restaurant I never could have gotten into by myself. I’d glammed up a little for the occasion, donning a black and white dress and pulling my black hair back into a neat ponytail. I even put on shiny lip gloss.

“I like the dress,” Ellen said, boosting my confidence enough for me to pretend I belonged there. Over salad, Ellen told me that she and Gabriel were getting separated. “You’re lucky,” she told me, her pretty face full of pain. “You never got married. One minute you’re in love with a guy, and the next thing you know, you can’t get away from him fast enough.”

I nodded. “It’s the same way with girls.”

She laughed, but then she started to cry. I moved over to her side of the table and put my arm around her. I was being sympathetic, not making a pass. I think she understood. After lunch, we split a cab. We got to my building first, and as I was getting out, she leaned in and kissed me.

I knew I probably shouldn’t have, but when Ellen’s lips touched mine, I closed my eyes and kissed her right back. The heat from her body and the lovely scent of her perfume overpowered my sense of reason, and I put my soul into that kiss. My fingers played lightly through her blonde hair.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she pulled away. “I know it’s not a good time. But I really do like you, Crystal.”

“I like you, too,” I whispered back.

I stepped out of the cab and went up to my apartment. I spent the rest of the afternoon lying on my back across the bed, waiting for the phone to ring. 

Her call came at eleven. We talked until dawn. By morning I had fallen in love with Ellen Barkin, and I think she had fallen in love with me.

Ellen and Gabriel made their separation legal. They took turns taking care of Jack and Romy. She got her own apartment. I spent more time there than I did at my own apartment. Little Romy started calling us both “mama.” I’d never aspired to being a mama, but I was devoted to Ellen. I grew to love the children dearly.

One day we took Romy and Jack to the zoo. Afterward we dropped them off at Gabriel’s penthouse. He lived in a beautiful old building. When we walked through the door, Gabriel sat in an armchair, dressed from neck to Italian shoes in black. He looked stylish and forbidding.

Ellen walked around the penthouse as if she still lived there. I stayed a step behind her, hoping she would formally introduce me to Gabriel. But when I met Gabriel’s eyes, I could tell he wasn’t interested in being cordial. His cold blue eyes looked cold. He said nothing to me or to Ellen, but asked Jack, “How did you like the zoo?”

I slunk toward the door, but Ellen caught me by the arm.

“It’s hot today,” she said. “I’d like to freshen up a little.” She looked at Gabriel. “That okay with you?”

He didn’t look at her, but nodded a yes. Jack told him all about the elephants as Romy went straight for the toy box.

“Nice view,” I said, pretty much to myself, as I looked out the window. My eyes shifted to the powder room door. I hoped Ellen would hurry.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a pretty inlaid wooden table in an alcove, topped with a chessboard. I took a step in its direction and saw that the pieces looked old; perhaps a Byrne family heirloom. I wanted to ask, but I was frozen silent by those blue eyes.

Ellen emerged with her makeup fixed. Gabriel looked at her briefly and sighed. He must have missed her, and every time you look at Romy, you see Ellen. 

Ellen kissed the kids goodbye. If she said goodbye to Gabriel, I didn’t hear it. We walked to the curb and caught a cab.

Inside the car I told her, “I feel guilty about breaking up your family.”

She laid her hand in my lap, and I stroked it gently. “We were already breaking up,” she said. “I could never be myself in that penthouse. You let me be myself. I love that about you.”

I kissed her. “Was he good to you?”

“Always. I know we’ll be friends again one day, once we get over the awkward part.”

“Good,” I said. “Because if he wasn’t good to you, I was going to have to put him in his place.” I tried to make her laugh, but all she managed was a smile.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You’re tough, but I still think he could take you. It’d be a good fight, though.” 

“You’re a little bit turned on thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“A little bit,” Ellen said with a smirk. “Is that weird?”

What felt weird was being the other woman in Ellen and Gabriel’s relationship. I never imagined that I’d be an “other woman.” Could we get past the awkwardness? One day, would all three of us cooperate for the sake of the kids?

Gabriel said his first words to me, tersely, over the phone. “Come and pick up Jack and Romy at eleven.” He hung up. I didn’t even get in an “okay.” At eleven, Ellen was still at brunch with some producer. I would have to go alone.

The doorman brought me up in the elevator, and Gabriel opened the door. “Come in,” he said, sounding civilized for once. The doorman’s presence helped.

I stepped inside and my eyes fell once again on the chess set. Impulsively I asked, “Do you play chess?”

He seemed caught off guard, and so paused, then nodded. “I tried to teach Ellen once, but it doesn’t hold her interest. Not her cup of tea. When Jack’s old enough, I’ll teach him. Reflexively we both looked over at the little boy playing with plastic dinosaurs on the carpet. “Do you play?”

I hadn’t played in several years. A former girlfriend was obsessed with the game, and taught me the rules. I became moderately good, to Shayna’s utter delight. When we split up, she took the chess board with her and (I’d thought) out of my life forever. This beautiful antique board, sitting in an alcove in Gabriel’s penthouse, brought it back to me. 

“I have played before,” I said casually as Romy came over to me.

“Perhaps we’ll have a game sometime,” he said, smiling slightly. 

I reached out to smooth Romy’s blonde hair back into place. “Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes. I’d embarrassed her.

Now his expression fell. He hurriedly finished getting Jack ready and showed me and the kids out the door without saying anything else. I got the message loud and clear. Reminders of the changing family dynamic changed the mood.

He softened, however, one day when Ellen and I dropped in unannounced to see Jack and Romy. My girlfriend, in her elegant black slacks and matching sweater, got down on the carpet and played checkers with her little girl while her son pretended to be cooking her a meal on an invisible stove. She was happy then, and I felt happy watching her, wondering what Jack would make for me. We looked like a complete family then, just the four of us, kids and moms. The kitchen door opened, and Gabriel appeared.

“Crystal, would you give me a hand?”

“Sure.” I patted Jack on the head affectionately as I walked toward the kitchen. Once behind the kitchen door, I added, “I didn’t think you knew my name.”

“Crystal Johnson,” he said, showing off. On the counter sat five identical plastic cups of apple juice. He needed a hand carrying refreshments. I put a cup in each hand, and stood for a split second considering how we were going to manage the fifth. 

“Let’s play,” he said as I pondered. 

“Pardon me?”

“Play chess against me.” He smiled. 

We sat on the fancy leather sofa, sipping apple juice from plastic cups. Ellen looked adorable, holding the plastic cup in her delicately manicured hands and sharing her juice with Jack when he’d finished his. This felt right. Like family. 

“I think we’ll play a game of chess,” Gabriel said to Ellen.

She made a face. “You know that game bores me.”

“Crystal likes it,” he said. “I hope she’s fairly good, too. I could use a challenge.” 

We went over to the alcove and sat. Jack followed, looking with great interest at the funny little pieces on the board. “Papa, can I play?” he asked.

“Watch, and you may learn how,” Gabriel told him. Jack pulled a wooden chair away from a writing desk and sat, feet dangling above the floor. As the game started, Ellen and Romy wandered over to watch. We looked like a family then, just the five of us. 

Over the next three years, the five of us would feel like a family, in our own way. Gabriel and I would play many more games of chess. Jack got rather good. Ellen hoped Romy would join her in her lack of enthusiasm for the chessboard. Instead, Romy acquired a love of the game and some coaching from her brother. At times they asked us why Mama and Papa didn’t live together anymore, particularly when the separation legally became a divorce and we all had to go to court.

In a few more awkward moments, Gabriel and I were alone together. When he went to Denmark to film 'Smilla’s Sense of Snow,' he came home with pneumonia. In the grip of a very high fever, he told me that quite frankly, all he really wanted was to see Ellen naked one more time, and then he passed out. With his Irish accent, it almost sounded charming. 

A year later, Ellen agreed to appear in a movie called 'Drop Dead Gorgeous.' Ellen met Ronald Perelman at an after-party I wasn’t invited to. He owned Revlon at the time and his company featured heavily in the movie about beauty pageants. Weeks later, she introduced me to him at a cast party. I could tell Ron was smitten with Ellen; his eyes never stopped following her all night. I kept one hand on Ellen, possessively, as we went back and forth between Ron and the bar. 

“Crystal,” Ellen whispered to me as Ron laughed at his own joke about a Japanese cosmetics firm, “do you have to cling to me like that?” She pulled her arm away. Ellen wasn’t usually much of a drinker, but that night she was on her fourth martini. I suggested we excuse ourselves and go home to bed before she decided on a fifth. 

“Isn’t Ron fascinating?” she said to me in the car, when the party was over and she was a little drunk. 

“No,” I said. “He seems like a rich jerk. I guess that’s how he got to be in charge, but as a person it makes him a little...what’s the word I want to say here?”

“Powerful,” she said. I didn’t like the way she said it or the far-away look in her eyes. 

“You like power?” I said in my customary way, joking to relieve the tension. “I could slap you around a little bit.”

Her eyes got big. “Ooh, spank me.” 

We were being facetious, but underneath the tension and the jokes, the attraction between us was real. We made love in the car. From that moment, though, I understood that this Ron was a threat to everything I held dear. 

When Ellen woke up sober again the next morning, I asked her about it. She stood in the shower. I took off my clothes and stepped in beside her.

“Did you have fun last night?”

She shrugged and smiled her adorably crooked smile. “I think I had a few too many martinis. I didn’t do anything that’s going to end up on the cover of the National Enquirer, I hope.” Her fingers worked shampoo into her golden hair.

“No,” I said. I grabbed a sponge and washed her back in slow circles. She rinsed, and I moved down to her lower back. “Do you remember meeting some guy who owns a makeup company?”

“Ron,” she said. “Wasn’t that his name? I was kind of hoping he’d offer to send us a gift bag or something. You’re the only woman I’ve ever met whose entire makeup kit consists of one tube of lipstick. And you’re beautiful.” 

At the end of the week, Ellen’s agent called and said Ron wanted to get in touch with her. Ellen returned his call, and he invited us to lunch.

“Did he use my name?” I asked her.

“He couldn’t remember it. He called you my friend.” 

“Did you accept the invitation?” 

She didn’t, but Ron turned out to be persistent. One night when we had Jack and Romy, Ellen got dressed and told me to do the same.

“Are we taking the kids somewhere?”

“No, we’ll drop them off with Gabriel. Ron’s taking us to this club. . .”

I laughed, making her frown. “Sorry, sweetie, but your ex is in Dublin. We’re supposed to pick him up from the airport on the seventeenth, remember?” 

She didn’t remember, but she had a plan.

“Stay here with Romy and Jack, just this once. I’ll make it up to you when I get home, I promise.”

Now I frowned. But Ellen was very charming, and convinced me everything would be all right. 

She didn’t get home until seven thirty the next morning.

We had a big argument. When she stormed off “to get some air,” I called Gabriel. 

Gabriel sounded worried when I finally got him on the phone. When I told him why I was calling, he laughed. “Thank God,” he said. “I thought you were going to say Romy broke her wrist or something.”

“Don’t laugh,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I’m telling you Ellen is sneaking around with a man behind my back. This is serious.”

“You think I’ll know how to deal with it, as I’ve already lost her.” 

Honestly, I didn’t know why I thought it might be reassuring to call him. Maybe subconsciously I thought that if he could tell me what Ellen liked in a man, I could be that for her. My cause was doomed. Still, at that moment, Gabriel and I had one more thing in common: we were slowly, painfully breaking up with Ellen Barkin.

When Ellen and Ron decided to get married, someone had to bring Jack and Romy to the wedding. Gabriel and I agreed to do it, together. We sat the kids in the front row of the spacious church, then slunk to the back. He smiled, the hardest acting job he ever had. Not being an actor, I choked on my tongue through the ceremony. I bit my lower lip so hard it bled. As the ceremony ended, I went to hide in the bathroom. Gabriel was waiting outside the door when I came out.

“Where are Jack and Romy?”

“Ellen’s sister said she’d take them to the reception. I said we’d be there by ten. Now, there’s a little British pub not far from here. Do you feel like a Guinness?” 

“I’ll drink anything you set in front of me right now,” I sniffed.

“They also have a chess board,” he said.

I thought for a split second. “Well, I guess I would appreciate the company.”  
We picked up the kids at ten, as promised. On the way home, Jack observed, “Now I’ve got two moms and two dads. Too bad only like girls, Crystal. You and Dad could get married, and then I won’t end up with four moms and two dads.” 

We went back to Gabriel’s penthouse. I crashed on the couch. Before going off to bed, Gabriel looked as if he had something to say, but he changed his mind. (end)


End file.
